floratic:

PARRISH . ❞  an  apologetic  hush  of  his  voice , he  reaches  a  hand  out  to  carefully  grab  against  the  boy’s  wrist  for  a  small  tug .    ❝ i’m  sorry ,  for  being  so  difficult  . ❞   it  was  a  routine  by  now ,  for  him  to  show  up  by  parrish’s  door - steps ,  bruised  &  tired ,  then  for  parrish  to  slowly  patch  him  back  up .  the  cycle  returned  to  square  1  afterwards ,  always .  it  had  been  alright  before  parrish  had  moved  back  into  his  life .  before ,  it  was  all  he  could  do  to  himself  to  distract  himself  from  the  overwhelming  pain  of  loss  &  to  combat  the  constant  war  between  his  father’s  rage  &  his  mother’s  meekness .   it  had  earned  him  the  tiring  title  of , ‘  the  crazy  fucking  tyver  kid ‘ or  a  ‘ rabid  dog ‘ , coined  kindly  by  jasper  himself . 

the  fact  was  that  he  had  done  nothing  to  deny  the  rumours ,  but  his  actions  only  further  confirmed  them .  each  day ,  it  was  just  another  fight  against  the  hostile  world  &  the  cruel  words  from  kids  he  barely  knew  in  school 

,  —- &  it  had  been  getting  tiring .  everyone  acting  as  if  they’d  known  him ,  although  all  they  had   ever  known  about   him  was  through  the  passing  mouths  of  a  blatant  talker  like  jasper .  it  was  alex  that  he’d  met  next ,  together ,  they  were  coined  as  the  two  pairs  of  mad  kids  in  school .  they  had  joined  the  lacrosse  team  together ,  made  it ,  blew  off  steam  through  it  together .  sometimes , they  cracked   their  rage  against  each  other , but  somehow ,  it  had  been  better  than  being  left  alone   with  himself . 

next ,  parrish  returned .  it  was  as  if  the  chapters  of  his  life  had  slowed  to  a  pause ,  &  it  was  something  he’d  hardly  been  able  to  believe .  he  could  count  the  days  that  he  spent  watching  through  his  bedroom  windows ,  waiting  for  the  front  doors  of  the  neighboring  house  to  swing  open  again ,  to  see  the  friendly  crinkle  of  smile  on  parrish’s  face ,  his  mother  waving  kindly  behind  him .  it  never  happened ,  until ——- 

 i  don’t  mean  to  be ,  but  i  guess  i’m  just  not  trying  hard  enough .  ❞   it  was  like  trying  to  tear  through  his  skin .  the  defensive  rage  was  something  that  he’d  shrouded  over  himself  in  protection  for  years ,  that  it  had  become  a  thing  like  his  own  skin  now , & to  be  removed  of  it ,  . .  it  felt  terribly  wrong .  the   saying  went  in  school  already ,  that  elliot  had  calmed  down  by  a  hundred  degrees  ever  since  parrish  had  started  attending  the  alexandria  school .  it  made  parrish  a  some  kind  of  a   star ,  especially  among  the  teachers .  of  course ,  he  had  gotten  elliot  to  cooperate , &  earn  an  A  through  a  whole  semester  of  chemistry .  it  was  parrish  that  they  were  thanking  above  anything  else .  that  was  only  right ,  of  course . 

slowly  removing  his  fingers  from  parrish’s  wrist ,  he  brings  his  attention  to  the  first  aid  box  instead ,  scrambling  through  the  contents  before  discovering  the  bottle  of  pain  killers .  a  half  his  mind  convinces  him  to  tuck  the  bottle  inside  his  sleeves  when  parrish  wasn’t  watching —  ,  but  he  only   makes  a  small scowl  before  unscrewing  the  cap ,  rattles  the  pills  out  over  his  palm  in  concentrated  silence .  

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he  swallows  them  down  dry , without  a  twitch  or  a  grimace .  it  was  something  he’d  done  often  enough  to  forget  about  the  unpleasantness  of  the  whole  process ,  which  included   swabbing  the  alcohol  pads  down  the  cuts  &  bruises  on  his  face .     ❝ oh ,  your  mom  shouldn’t  worry  so  much .  if  i’m  not  finishing  the  food ,  mary  anne  will .  she’s  addicted  to  your  mom’s  cooking .  i  think   she’s  about  to  move  in  with  you  guys  soon .  ❞     swabbing  the  alcohol  pad  down  the  heavy  bruising  on  his  lip ,  he  makes  a  slight  grimace  before  lifting  the  alcohol  swab  away ,  offering  a  kind  of  grin  towards  parrish .     ❝ drop  me  a  kiss , you  shouldn’t  be  worrying  so  much  either .  

“Just stop right there, dont apologize for anything.  There it was, the carousel of emotions coming around, right on schedule. He’d show up in a harried frenzy, Parrish would protect him for the night, and then come the stinging Im sorry that had Parrish cringing inward on himself. It hurt his heart, to hear Elliot apologize for things that were not his fault to bear, at least in Parrish’s eyes. He was a product of his environment, a stone worn down and smoothed over by the wearing of fast-paced time and too many black eyes. His hardness was not his weight to carry, not entirely, at least.

“ou don’t need to ‘try’ harder, whatever that means. I’m proud of you for even just getting up every morning. If anyone’s gonna be saying sorry here, it’s me. I still feel guilt, still lay awake at night, for the stupid thing I did… I don’t even wanna put a name to it, that’s how awful I feel.“ Many an evening he would be comfortable in bed, only to be rudely awakened by the memories of past mistakes, of the could have, would have, should haves that ran around his brain like it were a high school track meet up there. He couldn’t forgive himself fully, for leaving Elliot so suddenly, slamming the door so rudely, denying his own feelings and shoving them down within himself so harshly.

He feels partially responsible for the way Elliot was, although he’d rather saw his own arm off than ever admit that out loud. It would only cause a storm of emotions that Parrish really wasn’t up to experiencing. Not right now, anyway. What he liked to instead focus on was the fact that Elliot was better with him in his life, and vice versa. They were a duo unlike any other, anyone in Alexandria could see that clear as day. They enriched each other’s existences, and they were together so often it felt wrong to be apart for too long (which, to them, was like, twelve hours at a time).

He smiles to himself and sighs, but his lips twitch a bit when he watches Elliot fiddle with the pill bottle. Even as he moves to wash his hands in the sink, he makes sure to keep a trained peripheral gaze on him, to ensure he doesn’t try anything. He’d been through too many moments of catching his boyfriend stealing bottles from the nurses’ office at school, or even in his own medicine cabinet, once. Each time, Parrish made him flush each and every pill down the toilet. Youre not going back to juvie, El. Its just not happening! I’ll be freakin’ damned if that’s gonna go down!

When he’s finished wiping his face with the wipes, and he hears Elliot’s lighter, softer voice bounce against his ears, his smile returns with full intensity. “Maybe I should let Mary Anne move in. At least she has some sense of manners at the dinner table.” He can’t hold back a cheeky grin as his wrists come together to lock behind Elliot’s head, fingers playing with the wispy hairs on the nape of his neck. When Elliot asks for a kiss, he’s more than happy to oblige, feeling as though it’d been too long since they’d shared an intimate moment that wasn’t marred by some bully or threatening entity (or in one instance, June, which had been incredibly awkward).

When he pulls back, he screws up his face a bit, sticking out his tongue with obvious displeasure. “Blegh, gross, you taste just like those alcohol wipes!” He tips his head back, laughter flowing from his parted jaws as he gently brings their foreheads together. “Ugh, why did I kiss you when I literally just saw you use one of those on your mouth? How dumb am I?”

But he can’t stop himself from dipping in for just one more peck, the stinging taste of the rubbing alcohol be damned. “Shit, sorry, I hope that doesn’t hurt you much. Your lip looks like garbage No offense! It’s, uh, let’s say, hot garbage, in the best way, I swear!”

He knew this was just a defense mechanism, a way for them to push out the demons that lurked just outside the bathroom door. But he also knew they desperately needed this, some kind of distraction that would help them forget the sadness and heartache, the complicated emotions that haunted them so very often. Right now, this cramped little bathroom was their sanctuary, and the silly banter and kisses were fuel to keep them going, keep them alive and together for just one more moment. Right now, this was enough.

A knock on the door, though, brings this good thing to an end, as all things must go. “Boys, you okay in there? I’m worried, you’ve been in there for a while…”

“We’re fine, mom! Almost on our way out!” Parrish calls back, and June seems satisfied with that answer, although it takes her a moment before the sound of her footsteps retreating down the hall can be heard. He turns back to Elliot, pressing an index finger to his nose to poke him as he smiles a soft and subdued smile and says, “Well, you’re all fixed up. What’re you planning on doing now, Mister Man? Don’t tell me you’re gonna leave the doctor’s office so soon! You haven’t even gotten your lollipop yet, for being such a good patient! Oh, and shut up, dummy. It’s my job to worry about you, and I’m going to keep worrying about you till the cows come home, so get used to it!”

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